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In The Cupboard By gwenlister Oct 5, 2004 |
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It's tough, this double life I lead.
Outwardly I am a normal twenty-two year old. I attend college and get good grades. I travel around the city on the bus like most people. I put my pants on one leg at a time, just like everyone else.
But I'm not like everyone else.
I lament the fact that the courses I take don't include the use of wands or cauldrons. Everytime I ride the bus I grumble over how much more efficient apparating would be. I think robes make much more sense than burdensome pants. I even attempt to accio the remote control to the television when it is out of reach.
None of this would be a problem except that no one who knows me has any idea that I have even read the books. I am in what you might call the cupboard, for I have admitted to no one that I love Harry Potter.
Before anyone comes to visit my apartment I have to run around to make sure that all of my Harry Potter books and collectibles are out of sight, which is becoming increasingly difficult because my collection is growing constantly.
I enter a store and it's as if I have HP radar, immediately seeing the smallest Potter-related item sitting in a discount bin, and of course, I immediately feel the need to purchase it. And that's when the conflict begins: I cannot allow anyone to know that I want to purchase it. I shudder to think what would happen if anyone I knew discovered my awful secret, yet I can't help myself. If I get the nerve to actually walk to the cash register with the item in hand, I find myself making weak explanations to the cashier, saying that I have a nephew who adores Harry Potter and that he'll just love it.
I am a liar. I have no nephew -- I am an only child.
I lie to those I love. I lied to my family on June 4, 2004, when I said I could not attend the family reunion scheduled for that day. I was ill, but not in the way that they thought. I was dressed with a scar on my head and round rimmed glasses, attending the opening of Prisioner of Azkaban. I lied to my boyfriend when he discovered multiple copies of each of the books. The lie was harder to pass off that time, what with him being aware of my nephewlessness. (I learned that day that indignation can serve as a replacement for truth.)
So why don't I just come out to my friends and family, admit my awful secret and release myself from the stress of constantly trying to conceal it? It isn't like there haven't been close calls. There have been. Many of them. I could easily have taken one of those times and simply admitted the truth. Why don't I? Because I fear the stigma.
I fear the pitying and uncomfortable looks people will give me. The "you're an adult and you like kids' books, you loser" type looks. You know them. I've seen other receive them. I don't want to be pitied and patronized.
I'm sure some day the stress will prove too much and I will start running around in robes, singing Hedwig's theme, and doing as I so want to do now.
Until then I will remain as I am.
A cupboarded Harry Potter fanatic.
COMMENTS (1120)
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fanofdan Snogging Professor  Joined: Sep 11, 2004 House: Gryffindor Points: 4603 |
This was delightful! I am not a closet fan, per se, but I don't think anyone realizes how deep my obsession runs. My huhsband thought I was having an internet fling when I discovered this site, so I had to let him know what I was doing. The shame of it! I have even gone so far as to strt writing a fanfic and everyone seems to truly love it. I resisted the temptation for a while, because I have always been a terrible writer. Harry seems to have released me from that stigma as well. So, I say, embrace your weirdness and love it! Harry haters be damned!
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Sassafras Profesora de la Paz  Joined: Jul 29, 2004 House: Ravenclaw Points: 2824 |
gwenlister, I agree with the wisdom of fanofdan: embrace your HP self and come out of that HP closet. As your books and memorabilia increase your efforts to scourgify your apartment will produce the same results of Tonks' scourgify attempts. Just let it be!
You sound like an absolutely delightful individual. I'm well into adulthood and I'd certainly feel comfortable sitting and chatting with you about HP. I enjoyed your editorial. Thanks for sharing, and best of wishes to you! |
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dan*s_draconifforic_queen Student  Joined: Aug 24, 2004 House: Gryffindor Points: 269 |
I know exactly how you feel. I am fourteen and I just started High school and I am the only person to have an HP/DR obsession! everyone else has Orlando Bloom obsessions or Johnny Depp ones but not me. I go into a store and exactly like it said, I buy HP things all the time.
What I do when friends come over is show off my obsession and be proud to be an HP fan and then people will admire you for coming clean about it. I know a lot of 20-40 year-olds who love Harry more than even I do so you are not alone. Just come clean about it and show off your HP pride! I loved the editorial and remember you are not alone in When it comes to HP obsessions! Updated Oct 6, 2004 at 11:24 AM by dan*s_draconifforic_queen |
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Carl Wizard (Moderator)  Joined: Mar 4, 2003 House: Gryffindor Points: 806 |
I am in one of the largest cupboard you can find. Although my family and a handful of friends know that I do like Harry Potter they (excluding my family) have no idea that I happen to spend virtually every minute of my free time working on Harry Potter websites and getting to know other HP fans, not to mention the fact I know every miniscule detail there is to know about anything and everything related to Mr. Potter.
I doubt I'll ever come out of the cupboard to many people, mainly because I fear humiliation (being a male teenager) and I don't want the more annoying people in my school to come to the particular website I co-own and create all kinds of problems for many hundreds of visitors and myself. I personally quite enjoy leading my "double life" and it doesn't look as if I have much of a choice at the moment. |
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Ilovesingingsc Witch  Joined: May 24, 2004 House: Ravenclaw Points: 680 |
Oh how I know what you mean, I am in college and I love Harry Potter.
I think one time I went to Barnes and Noble to buy GoF and the guy at the registrar made some comment, and I was taken aback, and said in response; ‘it’ for my little bother!’ He responded by saying: ‘Sure” I felt like what did he care, I am buying it from the place he works at! Also I have a friend who makes fun of me. And every time she sees me reading she says; “Readin’ Harry Potter?” “Uhh no!” SO she stereotypes me as only reading Harry Potter, no, I love a lot of books, different genres…. IT makes me mad! So I guess I am NOW in the closet, because of all the negativity… But I remember one instance when I was at the gym busy on the treadmill and I saw an older lady getting on the stationary bike and whipping out Book five, it made my day! |
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Swimangel57 Order of Merlin, 1st Class  Joined: Jul 24, 2004 House: Gryffindor Points: 1805 |
I know what you mean!! I'm not in the closet, but I've definitely gotten those looks from friends. Even my family sometimes thinks I'm crazy!! I'm always hearing, "Why are you reading that AGAIN?!?!?" Oh well!! I don't care, I love Harry Potter and that's really all that matters! So for now, I will just have to continue to get those strange looks!!
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*Celandine* Witch  Joined: Jul 16, 2004 House: Gryffindor Points: 794 |
I know exactly how you feel. i am 17, and have only recently been shown the world of Harry and friends. I get looks like that all the time, explaining that JKR wrote the series for adults does not work.
I am not in the cupboard, but im not fully out of it either! Great editorial :) ~X~ |
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jmafflack Prefect  Joined: Aug 26, 2004 House: Gryffindor Points: 317 |
It's allright for me i'm 15. All my friends asically know about my obsession for Harry Potter but the couldn't care less if I was or not.
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Dansgirl34 Vampire  Joined: Jun 15, 2004 House: Gryffindor Points: 2939 |
I may be 15 but I get looks from people when they see me with Harry Potter things. So I don't really tell my friends my obsession. The only people that know are my family and my one close friend who too likes Harry Potter. It really makes me mad when people say its stupid and pronouce everything wrong, but I don't get the courage to tell them off. They don't even give it a chance. So I am sorta stuck between the cloest. Im just to afraid of people making fun of me.
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gwenlister Head Girl  Joined: Mar 25, 2004 House: Slytherin Points: 434 |
I'm so glad everyone is liking my editorial. :) It makes me very please that people are even reading it, let alone enjoying. So thank guys. :)
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Scilia Snape Order of Merlin, 1st Class  Joined: Jul 23, 2004 House: Slytherin Points: 1812 |
I loved the editorial! I am totally out of the closet with my Pottermaniac ways and loving it. My husband thinks I'm a nutjob, but he or any of my family and friends always grab HP pens, Legos or what ever tidbit they see on sale for me.
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Henry Proter Squib  Joined: Sep 8, 2004 House: Gryffindor Points: 130 |
I'm also 22, although I've graduated from college. I wouldn't say I'm a Potter maniac, as I don't have any collectors items, but I am definitely a huge fan.
Like most people on the site I've reread each book multiple times. I've seen each movie multiple times, I own all the books and all the movies. When PoA came out in theaters (right on my mother's birthday!) I took out my whole family - brother, sister, mother, father, two great aunts and my grandparents to see the movie as a present for my mother. My great aunts and grandparents have never read the books - but they are now! Just by seeing the third movie, the 4 of them, all over the age of 75, are now reading the books. Yeah, my friends make fun of me. But it's no big deal. I make fun of them for other stuff they do. We all know it's not serious. They always say they're children's books and how it's creepy that everyone loves the books. I just say, give them a try and you'll understand. I have even gotten a couple of my friends into the books as well. There's nothing wrong with loving Harry Potter. It's a wonderful world and I hope everyone can admit how wonderful the books truly are. There's no sense in hiding it... it's already got you... it's part of you now. |
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Padfoot4387 Lady of the Rings  Joined: Jul 14, 2004 House: Gryffindor Points: 4116 |
Wow! This was some really excellent, eloquent writing! Really impressive.
I am fifteen years old, so adoring Harry Potter is not such of a stigma for me- yet. Truth of the matter is, I would probably get more good grief looks from friends and relatives over my scary obsession over LOTR- posters and a calendar and memorabilia scatter my room. I can't go too long without seeing the movies or I feel depleted of health. Still, I hold Harry Potter pretty close to heart. I especailly obsess over the godliness of sexy Sirius Black and can't wait for PoA. But why be ashamed of the Potteriness in you? I would scream it out to the world, not care about what others would think! Everyone has something weird with them, and that is definitely not weird. Not that weird, anyway. |
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Matt12 Order of Merlin, 4th Class  Joined: Aug 22, 2004 House: Gryffindor Points: 1247 |
Im 21 and i can definitly relate to all of that. I have read Harry Potter more times than my younger sister and she says that she is a freak for reading it the amount of times that she has... im not quite sure what that makes me...
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Geri Minister of Disinformation (Moderator)  Joined: Feb 5, 2003 House: Gryffindor Points: 9657 |
Hey Lesley, can I join you in that closet? But I have a feeling we’ll need a bigger one. As someone who is over 30 I can easily identify with your feelings on the subject of Harry Potter as my only consolation is that I get to share my thoughts on Harry Potter with my co-workers and fellow fans on this site.
You are absolutely right when you say that you get those looks from people when you are either reading the books or going to see the movies – I’ve seen them too many times to count or to care. But I’ve finally started to give up pretending that I’m buying stuff for my nephew who just happens to be 6 & has no idea who/what Harry Potter is – but that of course will change once I start reading him the books. I’ve finally gotten to the point where I’ve stopped telling little fibs of what I’m doing when I’ve gone to see the last Potter movie (too many times to tell) and I suppose I have one foot out of the closet & just need a little nudge to get totally out. Great article by the way. |
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feltonluver Professional Beater  Joined: Dec 8, 2003 House: Slytherin Points: 20891 |
WOW that was a good read! I actually understand why it's hard to come out. There are a lot of girls at school that like Harry Potter but they are not open about it. Why... cause you will be labeled a NERD.
Everyone at school knows i love harry potter, and usually i get weird looks and my friends say i'm weird. But i've definetly learned to LOVE being called the nerd, which actually makes me more of one. It's helped me to become outspoken, I can say.. HECK yes i love harry potter. Now I have this reputation where yes they think i'm a nerd, but they respect me. You just got to say... YA i like harry potter what are you going to do about it. It's an addicting story and the people who usually don't like harry potter are the people who have never read it because they don't want to be labeled as a nerd or they never read anyways. So I think you should fess up... WHO CARES about what others think about you. (I must add that i'm only 16... so 6 years can make a difference.) Still I think your family should understand, my parents do. Granted they ignore when i start talking about harry potter but they let me go to the midnight showing and stay out late to see harry potter. Updated Oct 6, 2004 at 10:14 PM by feltonluver |
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carina Pixie Liaison Joined: Apr 5, 2004 House: Gryffindor Points: 11797 |
I completely understand, even though I'm only 16. My family knows about my HP obsession but they tend to make fun of me. Whenever I'm online they ask if I'm on "my harry potter site" and things like that. I went to a store and I saw chocolate frogs and fizzing whisbees and I almost screamed.. I was so excited, and all they could do was make fun of me!!
My good friends at school know I like harry potter but they don't know I go on a site every day and chat with other harry potter fanatics from all around the world. It's kind of my own secret life away from them.. even my parents don't know how well I know some people on this site. I hate how the HP books and movies are thought of as only for little kids.. they're amazing and people are just missing out on so much.. I hope you can eventually let your family know about being a Harry Potter fanatic, but I understand exactly where you're coming from :) |
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Perry Hotter Witch  Joined: Jun 17, 2004 House: Gryffindor Points: 947 |
I am a closet fan myself. I have to hide it from my parents, because they think that there is somthing wrong with me. Its kinda sad. I wish the world was Harry Potter Friendly
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Newt Scamander Old Chortlebones  Joined: Jun 29, 2003 House: Hufflepuff Points: 2601 |
Those familiar with me know well that I enjoy Harry Potter; but I doubt they know what goes on in my head, even when I'm not reading! ::Chortles::
I'm not as big a fan as I used to be; I tend to slip in and out, usually 'peaking' whenever a new book comes out (I spent a great deal of the summer of 2003 on summer, enjoying book five in many ways); right now, I am not so much fascinated with Harry Potter as I am a fan of Rowling's books. However, with book six -- well, we shall see. ::Chuckles:: Very interesting essay. Bravo. |
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Orbster Prime Hunter  Joined: Jul 23, 2004 House: Gryffindor Points: 4334 |
Well I am a huge Harry Potter fan..and I got tired of hiding it..its not like I managed to do it anyways..and now my room is full of my HP drawings.. all the hard cover books..(I gave away the soft cover to my sis in law) and i still continue to draw HP drawings, and I own both movies..all the CDs and I listen to them alot..and I even have a little shrine for HP posters in my room...My roomate doesn't care she told me that I can just add my good drawings in the hallway and living room walls...that way everyone who comes will know that I am an HP freak :D..but that's cool..even my parents and siblings know it..and its great. You know why?..because they know what to get me for christmas and my Birthday :D...My sister in law even volunteered to buy me the sixth book when it comes out..I am writing a fanfic for HP as well and my sister loves it and many others too...I also have HP profile pics on my MSN and Yahoo...and I come here 247..even during class when I'm at the Uni..at work..see how crazy I am..and everyone knows!!!don't be afraid..who cares what people think..trust me the more people know..the more free HP stuff you get :D...just a few days ago my mom sent me an HP screen saver to put on my computer..it was a lovely gesture!
Updated Oct 7, 2004 at 8:44 PM by Orbster |
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hermionelover Wizard  Joined: Jun 29, 2004 House: Ravenclaw Points: 565 |
Im exactly the same way i need help!
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SnapesSlave Witch  Joined: Nov 12, 2003 House: Gryffindor Points: 916 |
I can definitely relate to being an in the cupboard Potterfreak. I've only recently come out myself. It was easy to deny at first, since I have three children, but people started seeing the computer wallpaper and screensavers. The paperback editions of the books highlighted and started questioning whether that could possibly be for the children. The straw that broke the camels back was the watch I bought myself for my anniversary. It was HP, and I wore it around the house just for my own enjoyment. My husband came home and saw it. He just said that he knew the whole time. My family has been very supportive through this addiction, and I believe with time and the last two books for closure, I might be able to beat this habit.
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potterpotty Hogwarts Matron  Joined: Apr 18, 2004 House: Gryffindor Points: 6285 |
Wow, that was so good! Fortunatly, I am not an in the cupboard Harry Potter fanatic....most people know I love Harry Potter!
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Champion Seeker The English Seeker  Joined: Aug 1, 2004 House: Gryffindor Points: 4915 |
Wow, that was really good!
I am aswell a cupboard Harry Potter fan, but I let my family know a little while back, a few of my friends know but thats it! Being fourteen in England is very hard when you adore the HP series and are comfronted with it everwhere, I fear that if some of my other friends knew I'd be out casted as a 'geek' or 'nerd' |
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Harry James Potter Chief Warlock (Moderator)  Joined: Aug 21, 2003 House: Gryffindor Points: 3807 |
This editorial was great. How it integrated the Harry Potter lingo into the editorial. Just magnificant.
And even for me being 14 year old this is partially trough. I'm not ashamed for being a total Harry Potter fanatic but I don't really advertise it where ever I go. |
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